The majority of Modern Elder Academy (MEA) attendees are women. Why is that? Women traditionally go to personal growth retreat centers much more than men. I was on the board of the Esalen Institute in Big Sur for 10 years, and we were shocked by how few men came to Esalen. Women are really interested in exploring their growth with other people, and often, that's because they like the opportunity to connect and to create a deeper relationship. And men are just not as good at that.
I mean, we weren't socialized. It doesn't mean we're not as good. It just means we're not as used to it. What’s been interesting is [we see lots of] couples… We get husbands and wives. Wow. What an opportunity for us to actually have a new way of communicating and a new language.
What are one or two themes that you hear most consistently from the women who come to MEA? I think the number one theme is the realization that there's a lot more options available to them—career wise, relationally—than they thought. And they were so fixated on maybe how physically they were sad about how they're looking as they get older, and they didn't realize what it meant for their confidence.
Women in their 50s tend to be more confident, and they're growing in confidence in their career; whereas men are plateauing or falling off at that point. So for a lot of the women, since our average age of the people who come is 54, a lot of the women are right there at that age, where [they're] like: OK, do I still have it in me? And they're like: Yeah, I do, and I have some wisdom.
How do you reconcile the fact that women feel more confident than ever, yet still live in a society that continues to diminish them? How are we meant to navigate that? We're supposed to navigate it by having more women in leadership. And that requires men to really be advocates and supporters. Often, when we think about the workplace and someone who's an advocate or a champion, you think it’s like a woman for a woman. But we need to have men advocating and championing women. And I have done that my whole life. The president of my boutique hotel company was a woman, and I just loved the fact that she and I looked at things differently. It was really helpful.
How do you find flow—that moment, or ability, to be fully immersed and present in the moment—in your life? Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi is the one who popularized the word “flow,” and I got to know him. He actually invited me to Montana to their summer cabin, and I got to spend three days walking along rivers, talking about flow. Flow is timeless awareness. It's when skill and challenge are perfectly balanced, where you're doing something that you love and you lose track of time, but there's also a certain amount of challenge to it. It allows you to get better at it over time.
So flow is not just purely loving what you're doing. It's also pushing yourself a little bit too, and it's a great feeling. | 
